Perspective!

Posted: March 5, 2013 by Kara in Uncategorized

Yes that says a lot. The dictionary says that it is a mental view. What is your mental view of your spouse? It can have a lasting effect on the quality of your marriage.

If our perspective is that he is lazy, selfish, etc., then of course, we will treat him like he is all of those things. We should change our perspective and start looking for the good things. Maybe we should consider why he might be selfish. Was it from a childhood hurt, is he facing some trying time in his life? I say change your perspective. Counteract those thoughts. Everyone has at least one good thing, I truly believe that. If it is only one thing you can find then focus on that perspective of him. . Quit thinking on all the negative and annoying things.

The point is, our spouse can change and try really hard but if our perspective is still negative then nothing they do will be good enough. Reach and find the perspective you need in your marriage.

Pray that God would help you change your perspective and that He would help you see all those wonderful things in your spouse. He can do it! He will do it! But do your part too!

Lord, I ask you today to bless everyone reading this and if their perspective is wrong, that you would change it to your perspective. You make all things good, help them find the good in their spouse. Bless each of their marriages and use them for your glory. In Jesus name. Amen

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Follow Through

Posted: January 23, 2013 by Troy in marriage
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I’m sure you’ve heard the phrase “actions speak louder than words” The reality of that statement is, that it’s true.

When we speak great words to our spouse and have no follow through, We are teaching our spouse that we are full of hot air and also fooling ourselves into thinking that we go away with it.

We very much remember when people tell us they are going to do something and don’t do it. The next time it will be easier for us to blow more hot air and again do nothing. We are going against what makes us, US which is our word.

Try doing that at work, tell your boss you’ll have that report ready on Monday, don’t follow through and see how it goes. Why is our spouse not any more important to us than our boss or our job or whatever else it is in life that we make a priority and somehow find the time and make the effort to follow through with?

If we want a great marriage, following through on the good intentions and promises made must be a priority. I believe that you’ll find that following through on what you say to be rewarding to your spouse AND yourself.

Right now is there something you promised your spouse you would do and you havent followed through yet? If its within your means why not do it?

The “Perfect Marriage”?!?

Posted: October 14, 2012 by Troy in marriage
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The “Perfect Marriage”?!? Does it exist?

I think it does and I think you can have one.

When you have two imperfect people that are aware of their faults, willing to learn from their mistakes and are striving toward a marriage that is not only sustainable but thriving and growing despite having two imperfect people smack dab in the middle of it… That is the perfect marriage to me.

I know that I am far from perfect. I’ve made a lot of mistakes and if I live to see next week I’m sure I’ll make some more. They won’t be as bad as the ones before due to me learning day by day what to do and not do. I’ll still stumble but the fall isn’t as far and the apologies are much quicker.

Striving towards perfection in everything we do is a worthy goal, unattainable, but worthy. Take comfort in knowing that you are NOT married to a perfect person and know that they can never look down their nose at you. But also take note that you are NOT perfect as well but equally susceptible to faults and failures.

When I came to realize that the person that I am today and the person I want to be may never cross paths, was a little disheartening to me at one time. But I also came to realize that through putting God first in my marriage I was able to accept who I was and what I needed to do to continue moving towards that ever moving goal of perfection.

My wife has been by my side for 20+ years now. I can see perfection in her eyes (by that I mean I can see her looking past my faults). I know she loves me even if she is upset with me and she will love me on the other side of whatever obstacle we are facing at the time. That’s an awesome feeling, it wasn’t always there.

We have been through thick and thin, through ups and downs. We have seen it all either in our marriage or someone else’s. We know that it can be tough at times but if you both keep your eyes on God and keep moving in his direction you can overcome anything that life will throw at you.

I said all that to say I do know that the perfect marriage does not exist in the form the movies or books would have us think, but I do I believe that we can can have a “Perfect Marriage” despite ourselves. By never giving up on one another, by always being there for each other and always striving to be the best we can be in all that we do for our spouse. The “Perfect Marriage” is ours to live or ours to lose.

Accepting my weaknesses!

Posted: September 17, 2012 by Kara in marriage

Talking and accepting my own weaknesses is a hard issue for me. It is hard to look within sometimes and say yes I need to work on that issue in my heart.  I want real but then when it’s time to be real with myself it becomes a little difficult. I start uncovering things that make me sad, hurt, angry, and rejected. I find things within that I hid long ago, things I did not even know where hidden within the walls of my heart.

 

When we can see our own weaknesses and not blame them on our spouse then we will be more willing to work on us and not change the other to accomadate our weaknesses.

 

I have many weaknesses but my flesh wants to blame someone else so that I won’t have to face the things I need to change. To accept means to undertake the responsibility.  We need to take responsability for who we are. We need to accept the good things we bring to our marriage but also the negative things we bring as well.

 

I was having a rough week a few weeks ago and emotionally I felt drained. Waking up on the wrong side of the bed is not something I like to do. When I do I want to run away from everything and everybody. Things get on my nerves more easily.

 

Well I was having one of those mornings. I could not handle one more scream from the kids, one more lets pick our head up because everything is going to be okay. I felt like waddling all day in all the things going wrong. I was stuck in the middle of on my weaknesses, living in my emotions. And in that moment I got upset, I did not think before I spoke, I let my emotions run wild.

 

I was so caught up in them I could not see clearly. I was seeing all these things I needed to work on but did not feel I had the emotional stability at the moment to accept any of them so I lashed out. After the vent I felt bad for my outburst and regretted the words that left my mouth.

 

So tears streamed and then an apology was in order. So thankful to have a hubby that understands my emotional ways and comes along side of me to offer support.

 

I try really hard but seem to fail in the middle of my emotions, a lot of the time. Sometimes I can see and accept the weakness to live in my emotions and I tell myself that these are just emotions not reality.

 

I hope to conquer my emotions and one day laugh about them. But to be honest that is hard to see but hopefully through prayer  and accountability I will be able to step back and see how to work on this weakness in my life. To step back and tell myself it’s not my husband, it is not my children, it is not my mom, it is not anyone, and it is just my emotions running wild again. I have to accept them as what they are and then stand on what Gods word tells me. That He is holding me and helping me through whatever situation that is making me so emotional.

 

We all have weaknesses, we all get angry. Blame is so easy because it gets the focus off of you but acceptance is so much more rewarding it brings peace. Peace that life does not have to be this way. I can change things and change starts with me because in the end the only person I have control to change is me!

 

Is there a weakness in your life that you can choose to accept today and turn it over to God to help make you a better spouse?

Margins – Sharing

Posted: August 13, 2012 by Troy in marriage
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A Margin is a portion of time, left over within a certain time frame when you are complete with your chores or whatever the task at hand was. Meaning you have some spare time left to do whatever you wish with…

My wife and I just had some really great training from Dr. Rick Wyser of the Life Catalyst Program. One of the topics he taught on was margins, along with hearing him, Paul from the generous husband started on margins in a couple of his posts, right about the same time we were finishing up with Dr. Wyser. So it really got me thinking that there must be something to this margin thing that I can use in my life.

I do try to plan out what I’m going to daily and how long it will take me so that I do not “overbook” myself in a days time and also so that I can look back at the day and see that I have accomplished something.

This got me to thinking about our margin being “OUR” margin…. Is it possible to have Margin left over at the end your day and then give it away to help your spouse? By that I mean some of us are planners and can really see a way to plan our days so that we (on average) have margins left at the end of our day. Some of us aren’t…. We don’t see the value in planing, we are always running behind with more chores than daylight left at the end of the day.

The question I have is that if we can see the value of having a Margin, could we see the value of sharing that with our spouse? If we have time left at the end of our day why not offer up some of it to our spouse? You could say to them “I have finished up what I needed to do today, is there anything I can help you with?” by doing this we give the opportunity for our spouse to have a little margin to enjoy US at the end of their day, instead of running behind till bedtime.

It’s true that we are usually selfish with our time and this will be one I will have to push myself to do, but she’s worth every effort I put into our marriage. I can do better daily and will. This is one of the ways I feel like I can add Margin to my marriage as a whole.

If you are running a Margin-less life, try and think of some ways you can add Margin to it. Start with asking God to help you and to reveal your time wasters or whatever it may be in your life that prevents you from creating Margin in your life.

Chick-fil-a Day!

Posted: August 1, 2012 by Troy in Uncategorized

Please show your support of Chick-fil-A today if you can. They have taken a bad rap for something the media chose to question them about, and they didn’t lie to protect their bottom dollar or avoid the question. That’s admirable these days. From what we have read they have not taken a stand against gays and lesbians as people, just the lifestyle they choose to live. They are for the marriage unit that the Bible teaches us about. This is something we believe to be true as well, that a Marriage is between one man and one woman.

All that and they have good food to!

Sand! One grain or a bucket full?

Posted: July 26, 2012 by Kara in Uncategorized

I know there are some that love the beach. You can sit out there all day and it is fun to play in for a while, but for me the sand starts to get aggravating. A grain of sand weighs nothing, but a multitude of it weighs a ton.

I want to think of a grain of sand as something your spouse does that aggravates you or hurts you.  When it first happens, it doesn’t weigh so much. I believe we think it does at the time of the offense. So instead of getting rid of the sand, we store it in our bucket. We might need it later in the middle of a flood.

We think if we hang on to it, it will protect us. So we start to add it grain by grain to our bucket. It starts to get heavy. It is not as easy to get rid of once it gets so heavy. There is more to forgive, more to be bitter over.

Handling it grain by grain is so much easier than waiting for it to be so heavy that it weighs us down. We even come to a point where we think we cannot forgive. It is too big! The offense to great, the hurt to deep!

 Communicate and get rid of the grains now instead of waiting for them to grow into in a huge marriage struggle. A struggle that could become the beginning of an end, the end to something that was meant to be such a blessing. Our marriages are a blessing!

I have done this in my marriage and in my spiritual life. The combination together sent me into hiding. I had so much it seemed I had been buried beneath it. It had trapped me underneath and stolen my joy.

I soon had forgotten who I was, I could not think clearly. I looked to people and things to pull me out of the thick sand I was trapped under. You see my bucket overflowed and I was trapped in bitterness, resentment and anger. I needed their attention, their approval. Maybe their approval would give me the strength to fight back.

I learned to deal with the sand. It was a normal thing for me to go through life feeling so trapped by all the sand around me, it was making me feel selfish. All I could see was myself and my need to get out!

I had forgotten why I was created, to love and serve a God that is so great and so mighty. He wanted to help me but I was not looking for Him. Oh I thought I was, but in the end what mattered more was the approval of others.

I am learning to take each grain and bring it to the Lord and give it to Him. I no longer want to live trapped under all the weight, I want to live free in Him. And He wants me to as well.

So I challenge you today, in your marriage, in every relationship to take your grains and give them to God. He is stronger and more capable to handle it. Give Him the grains. Go to your spouse and tell them what is aggravating you, you might not come to an agreement but at least you both know it’s there and that you both need to work on it together.

After running to God, your spouse should be next in line to run too. Be transparent with them. We only love as much as we know. Let them know you inside and out, your dreams, your fears, your struggles, your challenges. What can make your day go bad, what gets under your skin.

Spouses, be willing to listen and to accept.  Husbands, lead with caring arms and gentle guidance and wives be the helpmate that your husbands need.