Archive for March, 2012

You are a team! Now, who is your coach?

Posted: March 28, 2012 by Kara in marriage

We all know we are team in marriage; we are there to support one another. Now let’s focus on who our coach is in marriage. Who is your teams coach? I hope your answer is Jesus!

Sometimes we get a little side tracked and our eye gets off the real coach in life. We start letting our wants dictate our marriage instead of the coach. The problem is we get our eye off of loving our team mate and get it back on ourselves.

We want all the glory, we want to feel good. We start disagreeing with the coach and start doing things our own way. Yea he says to run with the ball this way but I think I can see a little clearer from my angle so I am going to try this play instead.

All along the other team mate is trying to follow the coach’s direction and realizes you decided to play by your own rules. Now they are not sure what to do, except run to the coach.

We need to both be following and running to the coach for direction in our marriages. That is through prayer, bible reading, communication, and intimacy.

We can never think we have learned all we have to learn about our teammate. We have to press forward and ask God to teach us new things about our team mate. Everyone grows daily so there will always be new things to learn about our spouses.

Don’t look for all the glory, look to God to make your team win, follow His leading. He sees the big picture. All we see sometimes is a tangled up mess but we are being made perfect through Him, He is growing our character, He is making us into all He designed us to be.

How could we ever think that our thoughts are above His thoughts toward us! Do you realize that the everlasting God, the prince of peace, the creator, the all in all, thinks about you? He made you who you are, put you together with your spouse to create something wonderful! Let’s follow His plan! Let’s follow His plays!

Just do it!

Posted: March 18, 2012 by Troy in marriage

How many times have you asked God to help you do something and it seems your prayers aren’t answered? Sometimes God has already given us the answers in his word and he’s waiting on us to take the step of faith! Why not just step up to the plate and take a swing? Ask God to guide you as you move forward but STOP just sitting around. Just do it! Take that step by loving your spouse the way you know the Word has already instructed you to, your guidance is already written down in his word. You don’t have to wait for more guidance. You’ve been asking God to help you be nice to your spouse, just do it! Step up and say “God, I can do this and I’m going to do it”. If it doesn’t go against His word he WILL be with you every step of the way. He is for your marriage being all that it can be, more than most of us realize! Guys, He wants us to love our spouse as much as he loves the Church Eph 5:25 (stop and think about that for a minute).

I have this image in my head of a little girl fixing to ride her bike for the first time without the training wheels. She’s nervous and she knows that her daddy has her bike by the seat and she is safe there, but if she is ever to enjoy the freedom of riding without the training wheels she will have to make the effort of pedaling away from where she is comfortable at to experience the joys of riding. God will be with you always, but sometimes we must take the first step in reaching out to grasp on to what He has in store for us.

If there is something in you’re marriage that is standing in your way of moving forward, I want to challenge you to ask God and your spouse to forgive you. Take this opportunity to just do what you know is your responsibility to do in your marriage. God will be with you in your unsure steps (He was in mine). There have been some things in my marriage that I thought was impossible for me to do, to be honest it came to a point that I just didn’t want to even try to do them. I found myself looking the other way when my spouse needed me or my help. I thought to myself that it would require to much of my time or effort to do what was being requested. I was being selfish. It took me stepping out with faith in God and my wife for me to be able to make the changes in my life that I needed to make. The saying “God helps them who helps themselves” rings true to me here. With help from God and a wonderful wife I was able to Just do it. Every morning it really takes a conscience effort to make up my mind that today I am going to, just do it. It’s paying huge dividends in my marriage and I know that it will in yours as well.

If this speaks to you or if you have something to add, please leave a comment below. We would love to hear from you!

Purposely Pursuing or Privately Provoking?

Posted: March 12, 2012 by Kara in marriage

That’s a lot of “p’s” I know. But I was thinking are we purposely pursuing our mates? In other words are we intentionally chasing our mates? As a child it was so much fun to be chased! I don’t think that changes as we grow older. We still want to be chased or pursued; it lets us know they think we are something special and worth chasing. We all need to be wanted, especially by our spouses.

Or are we privately provoking?  Are you doing things to aggravate your spouse? Are you privately doing things that you know angers them? You don’t see much action on their part in your marriage so you feel some action is better than no action. Maybe you think you will at least get their attention and force them to see you do need them.

Sometimes we feel alone and we know the things to do that will annoy them. We want their attention! We love our spouse and we just want their love in return. We feel unloved, unappreciated. And if we can’t get the love we want then we are going to get their attention some way or another. We know the buttons to press but those buttons don’t always work correctly. They often create more distance and less intimacy.

We seem to think we are helping. We think that our spouse can read our heart and they will see that we are reaching out to them. It’s a messed up way to be thinking I would say, but it happens every day in someone’s marriage.

It doesn’t work out and it ends up putting a big wedge between husband and wife. And that wedge continues to grow bigger and bigger. It adds one problem to another problem.

We want to be wanted, appreciated, chased and caught by our spouse. We want them to want to spend time with us.

When we run this cycle in our marriages it creates silence and we end up in a marriage of just making it work. Just day by day for the kids, for anything, hoping for a change one day. It saddens me really to think of how many marriages are out there just trying to make it day by day, how lonely they both are.

We end up saying prayers for God to change our marriages but there is not much hope in those prayers. We just start adjusting, start accepting that this is just the way it is and will always be. Some end in divorce but I believe there are a lot just trying to make it work.

Purposely pursuing your spouse will change a mundane marriage to a great marriage. It will bring so much you thought was lost in your marriage, friendship, hope! It will allow you to lay aside your selfish desires and replace them with loving action toward your spouse.

Do you know your spouse? Do you know what their love language is? Have you recently sat down, had a heart to heart to find out what is creating such distance in your relationship? Have you asked, what is it that I can change to show you I love you?

Do you know what their fears are? Do you know their dreams? Do you know the secret heartaches that they carry around each day?  Do you know what brings them excitement?

Start studying one another. Start enjoying each other’s hobbies together or find a hobby you can do together.

Tell them the reasons you appreciate them not just that you appreciate them. Tell them the reasons you love them. List them out!

Touch them, hold them, and look into their eyes! Find that common bond again, it’s there, it’s just hiding! Go find it!

Looking Back

Posted: March 5, 2012 by Troy in marriage

Did you think the initial reasons you married your spouse would always be there throughout your marriage? I did. I held dearly to those thoughts.. I think my spouse did as well. I thought “when I marry her she’ll never change and we’ll always be happy” Then times came around when I WANTED her to change.. Those were the times in our lives when we may have drifted apart in one area or another.

But now I have realized that the young girl I married did change, she became the woman I love to love today. She became molded to me and I to her. But this didn’t happen overnight or without difficulties. We have scars in our past were we hurt each other. We have things back there that we could have done without, but each one also represents our ability to forgive one another, our ability to work through the hurts and pains of what our flesh does to hurt our marriages.

It’s a good thing my spouse isn’t the same girl I married back then, because I don’t think that person could love the person I am today. We have both grown and matured in a lot of ways. We have learned through our failures. We have prayed our way through the hurts. I am so happy that she is the woman she has become. I love her more today than back then, I have had the opportunity to get to know the real her on so many different levels. She completes me and that compels me to learn more about her. Knowing the real her that she is today I can understand where she is coming from when we talk.

If you are in a situation right now where you are looking back at the way your spouse used to be wishing they would change, stop a minute and pray and ask God to help you find the good that’s in them now. Remember you are probably not the same as you once were either.