Loving your spouse the way they need to be loved

Posted: April 30, 2012 by Troy in marriage

Once upon a time a long time ago I fell in love with a very pretty young lady, I loved her with all my heart and wanted to be near her. I gave to her my time, my money, my love and I thought that was all there was to marriage. I wasn’t ALL wrong but where I WAS wrong is that I gave her the love I wanted to give her and thought that was good enough. I gave her what I had to give and thought that should be it. I couldn’t possibly give to her any more than I had to give right?

Well fast forward quite a few years and a few bumps in the road and it turns out I could give her more. I could love her the way SHE needed to be loved. Wow, what a concept to try and live out. I wish I could take credit for coming up with that idea all by myself but I can’t. It was through reading lots of books written by folks who had “been there, done that” Marriage seminars and even some counseling. It took some time (read days, months, years) to actualy impliment the idea into our marriage even after it was shown to us in several different ways. Boy was it worth it!

Its a very simple idea that at first is REALLY hard to do. But as time goes by and you start seeing the results of putting this idea to work in your marriage it will become easier and easier. I actually find it exciting and look for new ways to surprise her these days. After all, it’s God’s plan for us to be all that we can be in these things.

To love your spouse as they need to be loved, is a concept that works. What that meant to me is that I had to quit loving my wife the way I wanted to love her and start loving her the way she wanted and needed to be loved. At first that meant a pretty big change for us both. We had to be willing to discuss with each other the areas that we felt we were lacking in our marriage (and be willing to change). I had to become a student of my spouse. Really paying attention to the little things that made her feel loved, those are the easy things that have huge rewards. Also begin working on the “big rocks” you know needs to be chipped away, those won’t happen overnight but without a doubt, it will over time.

Our marriage is not perfect and we will continue to make mistakes (at least I will). The difference now is the anger is gone, the fears aren’t there. We have learned to truly communicate with one another at every level and that makes a recovery from a disagreement SO much quicker and easier to do.

About the book we are giving away –

The 5 love languages played a huge part in our lives and how we came to be were we are today. Dr Chapman has had years of counseling experience with all sorts of folks. He was able to capture how we react as humans in a relationship and what our needs are as individuals and put that into 5 different categories. Its pretty amazing in the 5 categories we all have something we can relate to and actually need in our lives to feel loved. If you have never heard of the concept please take a few minutes to vist the website http://www.5lovelanguages.com They even have an online test that does a very good job at figuring you out, but you have to be honest with yourself when you take the test. Be aware that your love language can change over time and the things you feel you need today may not be the same 5 years down the road. Who would have thought our hearts would be a moving target? I would have never guessed that.
Take the test yourself here http://www.5lovelanguages.com/assessments/love/

We will be giving away one free copy of “The Five Love Languages” by Gary Chapman. Comment below to be entered into the drawing and please share about the giveaway with your friends and family! Contest ends midnight April 30, 2012. Drawing will be held on May 1st 2012.

  1. Melanie Tipler says:

    Great stuff!

  2. Caroline says:

    What a great post. I hope and pray that your story will be MY story in the not too distant future. My spouse and I are facing the reality of an abusive marriage, and just beginning to walk the very difficult and painful path toward healing. Thanks for a chance to win!

  3. Melissa says:

    1Peter 3:7 & Eph 5:25, these two scriptures came to mind when reading this. Glad to read of another marriage being worked at.

  4. Julie Garbisch says:

    Wow, this is great advice for us all, no matter how long we have been married. There is always something more we can say or do to show or give love to our spouse, a little more we can always give. Once we learn to stop doing things our way, and start doing things the way they will respond to, the happier we will both be. Thanks for the reminder!

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