Archive for the ‘marriage’ Category

Follow Through

Posted: January 23, 2013 by Troy in marriage
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I’m sure you’ve heard the phrase “actions speak louder than words” The reality of that statement is, that it’s true.

When we speak great words to our spouse and have no follow through, We are teaching our spouse that we are full of hot air and also fooling ourselves into thinking that we go away with it.

We very much remember when people tell us they are going to do something and don’t do it. The next time it will be easier for us to blow more hot air and again do nothing. We are going against what makes us, US which is our word.

Try doing that at work, tell your boss you’ll have that report ready on Monday, don’t follow through and see how it goes. Why is our spouse not any more important to us than our boss or our job or whatever else it is in life that we make a priority and somehow find the time and make the effort to follow through with?

If we want a great marriage, following through on the good intentions and promises made must be a priority. I believe that you’ll find that following through on what you say to be rewarding to your spouse AND yourself.

Right now is there something you promised your spouse you would do and you havent followed through yet? If its within your means why not do it?

The “Perfect Marriage”?!?

Posted: October 14, 2012 by Troy in marriage
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The “Perfect Marriage”?!? Does it exist?

I think it does and I think you can have one.

When you have two imperfect people that are aware of their faults, willing to learn from their mistakes and are striving toward a marriage that is not only sustainable but thriving and growing despite having two imperfect people smack dab in the middle of it… That is the perfect marriage to me.

I know that I am far from perfect. I’ve made a lot of mistakes and if I live to see next week I’m sure I’ll make some more. They won’t be as bad as the ones before due to me learning day by day what to do and not do. I’ll still stumble but the fall isn’t as far and the apologies are much quicker.

Striving towards perfection in everything we do is a worthy goal, unattainable, but worthy. Take comfort in knowing that you are NOT married to a perfect person and know that they can never look down their nose at you. But also take note that you are NOT perfect as well but equally susceptible to faults and failures.

When I came to realize that the person that I am today and the person I want to be may never cross paths, was a little disheartening to me at one time. But I also came to realize that through putting God first in my marriage I was able to accept who I was and what I needed to do to continue moving towards that ever moving goal of perfection.

My wife has been by my side for 20+ years now. I can see perfection in her eyes (by that I mean I can see her looking past my faults). I know she loves me even if she is upset with me and she will love me on the other side of whatever obstacle we are facing at the time. That’s an awesome feeling, it wasn’t always there.

We have been through thick and thin, through ups and downs. We have seen it all either in our marriage or someone else’s. We know that it can be tough at times but if you both keep your eyes on God and keep moving in his direction you can overcome anything that life will throw at you.

I said all that to say I do know that the perfect marriage does not exist in the form the movies or books would have us think, but I do I believe that we can can have a “Perfect Marriage” despite ourselves. By never giving up on one another, by always being there for each other and always striving to be the best we can be in all that we do for our spouse. The “Perfect Marriage” is ours to live or ours to lose.

Accepting my weaknesses!

Posted: September 17, 2012 by Kara in marriage

Talking and accepting my own weaknesses is a hard issue for me. It is hard to look within sometimes and say yes I need to work on that issue in my heart.  I want real but then when it’s time to be real with myself it becomes a little difficult. I start uncovering things that make me sad, hurt, angry, and rejected. I find things within that I hid long ago, things I did not even know where hidden within the walls of my heart.

 

When we can see our own weaknesses and not blame them on our spouse then we will be more willing to work on us and not change the other to accomadate our weaknesses.

 

I have many weaknesses but my flesh wants to blame someone else so that I won’t have to face the things I need to change. To accept means to undertake the responsibility.  We need to take responsability for who we are. We need to accept the good things we bring to our marriage but also the negative things we bring as well.

 

I was having a rough week a few weeks ago and emotionally I felt drained. Waking up on the wrong side of the bed is not something I like to do. When I do I want to run away from everything and everybody. Things get on my nerves more easily.

 

Well I was having one of those mornings. I could not handle one more scream from the kids, one more lets pick our head up because everything is going to be okay. I felt like waddling all day in all the things going wrong. I was stuck in the middle of on my weaknesses, living in my emotions. And in that moment I got upset, I did not think before I spoke, I let my emotions run wild.

 

I was so caught up in them I could not see clearly. I was seeing all these things I needed to work on but did not feel I had the emotional stability at the moment to accept any of them so I lashed out. After the vent I felt bad for my outburst and regretted the words that left my mouth.

 

So tears streamed and then an apology was in order. So thankful to have a hubby that understands my emotional ways and comes along side of me to offer support.

 

I try really hard but seem to fail in the middle of my emotions, a lot of the time. Sometimes I can see and accept the weakness to live in my emotions and I tell myself that these are just emotions not reality.

 

I hope to conquer my emotions and one day laugh about them. But to be honest that is hard to see but hopefully through prayer  and accountability I will be able to step back and see how to work on this weakness in my life. To step back and tell myself it’s not my husband, it is not my children, it is not my mom, it is not anyone, and it is just my emotions running wild again. I have to accept them as what they are and then stand on what Gods word tells me. That He is holding me and helping me through whatever situation that is making me so emotional.

 

We all have weaknesses, we all get angry. Blame is so easy because it gets the focus off of you but acceptance is so much more rewarding it brings peace. Peace that life does not have to be this way. I can change things and change starts with me because in the end the only person I have control to change is me!

 

Is there a weakness in your life that you can choose to accept today and turn it over to God to help make you a better spouse?

Margins – Sharing

Posted: August 13, 2012 by Troy in marriage
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A Margin is a portion of time, left over within a certain time frame when you are complete with your chores or whatever the task at hand was. Meaning you have some spare time left to do whatever you wish with…

My wife and I just had some really great training from Dr. Rick Wyser of the Life Catalyst Program. One of the topics he taught on was margins, along with hearing him, Paul from the generous husband started on margins in a couple of his posts, right about the same time we were finishing up with Dr. Wyser. So it really got me thinking that there must be something to this margin thing that I can use in my life.

I do try to plan out what I’m going to daily and how long it will take me so that I do not “overbook” myself in a days time and also so that I can look back at the day and see that I have accomplished something.

This got me to thinking about our margin being “OUR” margin…. Is it possible to have Margin left over at the end your day and then give it away to help your spouse? By that I mean some of us are planners and can really see a way to plan our days so that we (on average) have margins left at the end of our day. Some of us aren’t…. We don’t see the value in planing, we are always running behind with more chores than daylight left at the end of the day.

The question I have is that if we can see the value of having a Margin, could we see the value of sharing that with our spouse? If we have time left at the end of our day why not offer up some of it to our spouse? You could say to them “I have finished up what I needed to do today, is there anything I can help you with?” by doing this we give the opportunity for our spouse to have a little margin to enjoy US at the end of their day, instead of running behind till bedtime.

It’s true that we are usually selfish with our time and this will be one I will have to push myself to do, but she’s worth every effort I put into our marriage. I can do better daily and will. This is one of the ways I feel like I can add Margin to my marriage as a whole.

If you are running a Margin-less life, try and think of some ways you can add Margin to it. Start with asking God to help you and to reveal your time wasters or whatever it may be in your life that prevents you from creating Margin in your life.

Words

Posted: June 29, 2012 by Troy in marriage

A good friend and confidant told me something today that really meant a lot to me. They mentioned that it may seem like a random thing to tell me what they had to say. I thanked them for the kind words but I don’t think they knew exactly how much the words really meant to me.

It made me think about how often we think good things or kind words in our minds but they never cross our lips to be heard by our spouse.

It was a huge breakthrough for me the day I realized that I didn’t have to keep my thoughts in. I quite often thought great wonderful things about my wife but never spoke them to her. I was missing out on a chance to uplift her and be supportive in the different things she would do, or maybe just brighten her day by telling her how pretty she looked.

If you have those thoughts, why not share them with the one you love? What’s keeping you from doing it? Fear of allowing your thoughts to be expressed outwardly? Possibly having the words be rejected?

It would seem that having those thoughts and not expressing them, would be the equivalence of never having the thought in the first place. At least to those who need to hear them.

If you aren’t having them, try picking out the positive things that your spouse does and compliment them on it. The more you do it the easier it gets.

Constraints!

Posted: June 9, 2012 by Kara in marriage

A constraint is a limitation or restriction. I was reading a book today and it talked about an experiment with fish. They divided a fish tank with a glass pane and added food to the empty side. They watched to see how many times the fish would bump into the glass to get the food. After they stopped they removed the pane but the fish stayed on the other side of the tank even though they had access to the food.

I thought for a moment about the constraints in marriage. For years some of us try and try in our marriages but then we give up. We have gotten bumped around so much and we feel it’s no longer worth the effort to get hurt. We give up!

I was ready to give up but God moved in and removed the pane. He opened up my husband’s heart and He changed my marriage in a miraculous way. He changed both of us!

Even though I knew the pane was gone, I still lived behind the constraint. I was scared to move past the pane. I was living like I would get hurt if I opened up myself to the newness of my marriage.  I had a hard time trusting God with the control of my marriage. To be honest, I still struggle sometimes, but I push through it so that I can let go and let God!

God, He is the Blessed Controller! I had to let go and swim to the other side. And on days when I want to swim back, I have to remind myself that He is my guidance and I can trust Him with my heart, with my life, with my marriage! He will not fail!

Our marriages can be so great if we would trust God and swim past our constraints. Yes maybe it’s hard but He is greater than the hard and He wants so much for your marriage.

I was at a kid’s camp with my daughter this past week. The kids were asked to close their eyes and then asked who came from a divorced home. The amount of hands that went up brought tears to my eyes. I wondered, how many of these marriages could have been saved, how many of these marriages were living behind constraints that had been lifted? How many of these marriages could have been saved by simply letting God be the Blessed Controller?

God will lift the pane (pain) but you have to swim. You have to fight past what your mind is telling you and trust God with everything! He did it for me and He can do it for you.

Do you live behind a constraint that God has lifted?

At peace

Posted: May 29, 2012 by Troy in marriage

I struggle daily with myself. I always try to do the right thing. Most days I succeed, but on the days I don’t, I don’t have the fear of being a complete and utter failure. I have faith in my God and that he will forgive me for whatever it is that I have done. I also have faith in my bride’s love for me and know that she will forgive me when I don’t live up to what I say I will do.

Finding that kind of peace in my life didn’t come by accident. It also didn’t come easy. I have a few bumps and bruises from life’s lessons on how not to do things.

I have that kind of peace in my life from communicating openly with my number 1 (God) and my number 2 (My wife). The more I talk to either of them the more I want to talk to them, the more I know that they are on my side and want to see me succeed in all I do. I have that kind of peace in my life because I am able to trust them both with my heart and my soul.

Some of you will know exactly what I am talking about and can identity with me. If you can, take a few minutes and give credit where it’s due. Thank God and your spouse for that peace you’re able enjoy.

Some of you are thinking that you would never be able to have that kind of faith in anyone. Maybe you feel as though God or your spouse has abandoned you. Rest assured that he is still on your side and still working miracles in marriages, He did in mine.