Posts Tagged ‘marriage’

Follow Through

Posted: January 23, 2013 by Troy in marriage
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I’m sure you’ve heard the phrase “actions speak louder than words” The reality of that statement is, that it’s true.

When we speak great words to our spouse and have no follow through, We are teaching our spouse that we are full of hot air and also fooling ourselves into thinking that we go away with it.

We very much remember when people tell us they are going to do something and don’t do it. The next time it will be easier for us to blow more hot air and again do nothing. We are going against what makes us, US which is our word.

Try doing that at work, tell your boss you’ll have that report ready on Monday, don’t follow through and see how it goes. Why is our spouse not any more important to us than our boss or our job or whatever else it is in life that we make a priority and somehow find the time and make the effort to follow through with?

If we want a great marriage, following through on the good intentions and promises made must be a priority. I believe that you’ll find that following through on what you say to be rewarding to your spouse AND yourself.

Right now is there something you promised your spouse you would do and you havent followed through yet? If its within your means why not do it?

The “Perfect Marriage”?!?

Posted: October 14, 2012 by Troy in marriage
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The “Perfect Marriage”?!? Does it exist?

I think it does and I think you can have one.

When you have two imperfect people that are aware of their faults, willing to learn from their mistakes and are striving toward a marriage that is not only sustainable but thriving and growing despite having two imperfect people smack dab in the middle of it… That is the perfect marriage to me.

I know that I am far from perfect. I’ve made a lot of mistakes and if I live to see next week I’m sure I’ll make some more. They won’t be as bad as the ones before due to me learning day by day what to do and not do. I’ll still stumble but the fall isn’t as far and the apologies are much quicker.

Striving towards perfection in everything we do is a worthy goal, unattainable, but worthy. Take comfort in knowing that you are NOT married to a perfect person and know that they can never look down their nose at you. But also take note that you are NOT perfect as well but equally susceptible to faults and failures.

When I came to realize that the person that I am today and the person I want to be may never cross paths, was a little disheartening to me at one time. But I also came to realize that through putting God first in my marriage I was able to accept who I was and what I needed to do to continue moving towards that ever moving goal of perfection.

My wife has been by my side for 20+ years now. I can see perfection in her eyes (by that I mean I can see her looking past my faults). I know she loves me even if she is upset with me and she will love me on the other side of whatever obstacle we are facing at the time. That’s an awesome feeling, it wasn’t always there.

We have been through thick and thin, through ups and downs. We have seen it all either in our marriage or someone else’s. We know that it can be tough at times but if you both keep your eyes on God and keep moving in his direction you can overcome anything that life will throw at you.

I said all that to say I do know that the perfect marriage does not exist in the form the movies or books would have us think, but I do I believe that we can can have a “Perfect Marriage” despite ourselves. By never giving up on one another, by always being there for each other and always striving to be the best we can be in all that we do for our spouse. The “Perfect Marriage” is ours to live or ours to lose.

Margins – Sharing

Posted: August 13, 2012 by Troy in marriage
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A Margin is a portion of time, left over within a certain time frame when you are complete with your chores or whatever the task at hand was. Meaning you have some spare time left to do whatever you wish with…

My wife and I just had some really great training from Dr. Rick Wyser of the Life Catalyst Program. One of the topics he taught on was margins, along with hearing him, Paul from the generous husband started on margins in a couple of his posts, right about the same time we were finishing up with Dr. Wyser. So it really got me thinking that there must be something to this margin thing that I can use in my life.

I do try to plan out what I’m going to daily and how long it will take me so that I do not “overbook” myself in a days time and also so that I can look back at the day and see that I have accomplished something.

This got me to thinking about our margin being “OUR” margin…. Is it possible to have Margin left over at the end your day and then give it away to help your spouse? By that I mean some of us are planners and can really see a way to plan our days so that we (on average) have margins left at the end of our day. Some of us aren’t…. We don’t see the value in planing, we are always running behind with more chores than daylight left at the end of the day.

The question I have is that if we can see the value of having a Margin, could we see the value of sharing that with our spouse? If we have time left at the end of our day why not offer up some of it to our spouse? You could say to them “I have finished up what I needed to do today, is there anything I can help you with?” by doing this we give the opportunity for our spouse to have a little margin to enjoy US at the end of their day, instead of running behind till bedtime.

It’s true that we are usually selfish with our time and this will be one I will have to push myself to do, but she’s worth every effort I put into our marriage. I can do better daily and will. This is one of the ways I feel like I can add Margin to my marriage as a whole.

If you are running a Margin-less life, try and think of some ways you can add Margin to it. Start with asking God to help you and to reveal your time wasters or whatever it may be in your life that prevents you from creating Margin in your life.

Loving your spouse the way they need to be loved

Posted: April 30, 2012 by Troy in marriage
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Once upon a time a long time ago I fell in love with a very pretty young lady, I loved her with all my heart and wanted to be near her. I gave to her my time, my money, my love and I thought that was all there was to marriage. I wasn’t ALL wrong but where I WAS wrong is that I gave her the love I wanted to give her and thought that was good enough. I gave her what I had to give and thought that should be it. I couldn’t possibly give to her any more than I had to give right?

Well fast forward quite a few years and a few bumps in the road and it turns out I could give her more. I could love her the way SHE needed to be loved. Wow, what a concept to try and live out. I wish I could take credit for coming up with that idea all by myself but I can’t. It was through reading lots of books written by folks who had “been there, done that” Marriage seminars and even some counseling. It took some time (read days, months, years) to actualy impliment the idea into our marriage even after it was shown to us in several different ways. Boy was it worth it!

Its a very simple idea that at first is REALLY hard to do. But as time goes by and you start seeing the results of putting this idea to work in your marriage it will become easier and easier. I actually find it exciting and look for new ways to surprise her these days. After all, it’s God’s plan for us to be all that we can be in these things.

To love your spouse as they need to be loved, is a concept that works. What that meant to me is that I had to quit loving my wife the way I wanted to love her and start loving her the way she wanted and needed to be loved. At first that meant a pretty big change for us both. We had to be willing to discuss with each other the areas that we felt we were lacking in our marriage (and be willing to change). I had to become a student of my spouse. Really paying attention to the little things that made her feel loved, those are the easy things that have huge rewards. Also begin working on the “big rocks” you know needs to be chipped away, those won’t happen overnight but without a doubt, it will over time.

Our marriage is not perfect and we will continue to make mistakes (at least I will). The difference now is the anger is gone, the fears aren’t there. We have learned to truly communicate with one another at every level and that makes a recovery from a disagreement SO much quicker and easier to do.

About the book we are giving away –

The 5 love languages played a huge part in our lives and how we came to be were we are today. Dr Chapman has had years of counseling experience with all sorts of folks. He was able to capture how we react as humans in a relationship and what our needs are as individuals and put that into 5 different categories. Its pretty amazing in the 5 categories we all have something we can relate to and actually need in our lives to feel loved. If you have never heard of the concept please take a few minutes to vist the website http://www.5lovelanguages.com They even have an online test that does a very good job at figuring you out, but you have to be honest with yourself when you take the test. Be aware that your love language can change over time and the things you feel you need today may not be the same 5 years down the road. Who would have thought our hearts would be a moving target? I would have never guessed that.
Take the test yourself here http://www.5lovelanguages.com/assessments/love/

We will be giving away one free copy of “The Five Love Languages” by Gary Chapman. Comment below to be entered into the drawing and please share about the giveaway with your friends and family! Contest ends midnight April 30, 2012. Drawing will be held on May 1st 2012.

One little word!

Posted: February 24, 2012 by Kara in marriage
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I was thinking on some things from this past year. As some of you know I picked a word to pray over my life last year in order to grow more in God. You can find more information for your personal journey through one word at myoneword.org.

Last year was a life changing miraculous year for me in many areas and in my marriage as well. When God is working in your life it would have to go to show that He would work in your marriage as well, seeing  that your marriage is the most important relationship in your life next to your relationship with God.

As I was pondering I thought how much could God work if we as couples prayed a word over our marriage for the year or even just six months.

Is there an area in your marriage that could really use God’s help?  Are you struggling with communication? Are you struggling with intimacy in your marriage? Or maybe you are struggling to just find time for one another in your busy days? Or possibly you need a connect point, like a hobby to bring you back together where you have drifted apart. We all could learn to dance a little better with one another, not in the figurative sense but in the way where we compliment each other in our daily living. Where I might be a little weak in one area, my spouse may be strong therefore we come together stronger not weaker because of our weaknesses. We compliment each other!

Life gets challenging sometimes so I know that we all have areas where we need some strength from God. Dig deep, pray for direction!

Praying together will in fact change your marriage.  Come into agreement with one another, find a word or a phrase and pray it for six months to a year and  just see what God can do! I know He will work miracles, I trust Him and I put all my confidence in the fact that He wants to better every marriage! Remember that one of the best marriage principles you could ever apply to your marriage is daily prayer time together.

We chose “Dance” as our word for this year and I can not wait to see what God is going to do! I would ask all of you to pray for us this year and we will in turn pray for you. If  you feel comfortable sharing your one word with us we would love to hear it, so after you have spoken to the love of your life, head back on over and leave a comment!

He amazes me daily with His love towards me! Cast all your cares upon Him, He is ready to do a miracle in your marriage!

A post by  The Generous Wife really got me thinking about dancing, go check it out! While you are there checkout her series on submission.